BONUS EPISODE 3: The mum guilt trap
When narcissists pretend to support working parents…
What are Listener Letters?
In our Narcissism At Work podcast series, we launched the Listener Letters bonus episodes to create space for the stories that often go untold. These are real, anonymised letters from the Other Box community, recounting deeply personal experiences of narcissistic abuse in the workplace. Each letter is read aloud and followed by insights from clinical psychologist Dr. Daksha Hirani, who helps unpack the behaviours, provides validation, and offers tools for recovery.
These episodes are for anyone who has ever felt confused, gaslit, or silenced in a work setting and thought, "Was it really that bad?" Spoiler: It probably was.
Why We’re Talking About It
Workplaces are where many of us spend most of our time. And when power imbalances go unchecked, whether through gender, race, seniority, or other forms of privilege, it creates the perfect conditions for narcissistic abuse to thrive. What makes it harder to name is that this abuse often masquerades as mentorship, allyship, or leadership. These stories shine a light on what’s really happening behind closed doors.
Episode Themes: Listener Letter 3 - Rani’s Story
In this episode, we meet Rani, a working mother who thought she had found a role in an organisation that celebrated balance, flexibility, and women’s empowerment. But what started as a supportive, progressive relationship quickly became a toxic cycle of control, shame, and emotional manipulation. Her colleague positioned herself as a mentor and advocate for working mums, but behind the scenes, she made her feel constantly inadequate, selfish, and on the verge of failing at everything.
Themes explored in this episode include:
🚩 Mum Guilt as Manipulation 🚩
Narcissistic leaders tap into societal pressures and expectations of mothers to maintain control through guilt and obligation.
🚩 Performative Allyship 🚩
Publicly claiming to support working parents while setting impossible expectations in private.
🚩 Control Through Chaos 🚩
Turning meetings into hours-long lectures, moving goalposts, and blaming others for poor planning.
🚩 Weaponised Feedback 🚩
Using so-called “constructive feedback” as a tool to shame, criticise, and chip away at self-worth.
🚩 Emotional Whiplash 🚩
Flip-flopping between praise and punishment (the classic love-bombing and devaluation cycle) to destabilise and confuse, keeping the target hooked.
🚩 The Illusion of Support 🚩
Creating a false dream of career success and personal support that’s used to bait and trap.
Dr. Daksha Hirani offers trauma-informed responses to Rani’s story, including how to recognise when support is performative, how to rebuild trust in your instincts after manipulation, and how to release the fear, obligation, and guilt often carried by working parents. Her guidance offers practical strategies for setting boundaries, achieving emotional clarity, and healing from the double standards that many mothers face at work.
Why It Matters
Rani’s story is all too familiar. Especially for working parents navigating environments where allyship is performative and guilt is weaponised. When flexibility and support are promised but never honoured, the emotional toll can be devastating. But this podcast is here to remind you:
You were not being selfish.
You were not falling short.
It was never your job to meet impossible expectations.
By sharing these stories, we’re not just validating experience, we’re giving language to patterns many people struggle to name. And with that language comes the power to set boundaries, reclaim your worth, and choose workplaces that honour you and your family life.
Resources & Further Support
Listen to all episodes: otherbox.co/podcast
Learn more about narcissism, burnout, and protective tools in our Diversity Dictionary course: otherbox.co/education
Subscribe, share, and rate the podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Acast or wherever you listen.
Whether you’re just starting to question a toxic dynamic or deep into your healing, we hope this podcast helps you name it, understand it, and start to heal from it. Because work should work for you.
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Narcissism At Work podcast is out now and is available wherever you listen to your podcasts. Check out our resources page here for support. Sign up to our newsletter to keep up to date with Other Box.
